By Eman Chayim
Refocusing on the Couple’s Joy
Weddings should be about celebrating the bride and groom, yet too often, the focus shifts to pleasing the guests. Concerns about seating arrangements, invitations, and social expectations overshadow the true purpose of the event. The time and expense invested in impressing attendees often come at the expense of the couple’s joy and financial well-being.
The Mitzvah of Bringing Happiness
In Jewish tradition, we have a mitzvah to bring happiness to the bride and groom. This principle is embraced in many religious communities, where volunteers even attend weddings to ensure the couple feels truly celebrated. If strangers can make this effort, how much more so should we?
The Burden of Extravagance
Yet, we frequently see guests prioritizing their own experience—complaining about seating, comparing food, or feeling slighted by an invitation oversight. This mindset fuels the pressure for extravagant weddings, sometimes forcing couples into unnecessary debt just to meet societal expectations. No newlywed should begin their marriage burdened by financial strain simply to satisfy others.
Intentions Matter More Than Appearances
This is not about banning elaborate weddings; rather, it’s about intentions. If a couple genuinely desires a grand celebration and can afford it, they should enjoy it. But if they feel pressured into excess for the sake of appearances, they must learn to stand firm. The older generation may be deeply entrenched in status-driven values, but it is up to us to shift the culture.
Guests and Their Expectations
Guests, too, should reflect on their expectations. If we are not invited, is our disappointment rooted in genuine love for the couple or in wounded pride? If we truly care for them, we should respect their decisions and find joy in their happiness.
A Wedding’s True Purpose
Ultimately, our role as a community is to support and celebrate the couple, not demand recognition or indulgence. Whether the wedding is lavish or simple, whether we are seated at the front or not at all, our responsibility remains the same—to bring joy to the bride and groom.
As our sages teach: Pride and jealousy remove a person from this world (Pirkei Avot). In the context of weddings, these traits distort the event’s true purpose. Instead of turning a wedding into a spectacle for guests, let’s ensure that it remains what it was meant to be—a celebration of love, unity, and the beginning of a shared journey.
